a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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