But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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