The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
