I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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