I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
false alarm. still invincible.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
