My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
