Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
