oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
