no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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