so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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