I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize