do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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