I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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