Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
