Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
