you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
