I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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