The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize