I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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