So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
