I wish I could punch you in the face.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
