just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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