Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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