Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
