that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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