We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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