If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she smelled like a LAN party
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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