No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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