I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We talked him into tasing himself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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