Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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