; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
