Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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