She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
