I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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