there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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