it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
