I want to stick my p in your. b.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
