omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
