it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
