please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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