I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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