Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
