Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
