God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
