I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
