I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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