Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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