i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
