I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize