are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
