He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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