Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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