Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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