Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Damn victory sex feels great
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
