Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
