This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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