you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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