i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
