woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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