Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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