someone get that fucking seahorse.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
