Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my shit smells like andre
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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