3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
