He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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