Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
