please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
