Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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