I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
