The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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