I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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