Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
